“FLYING TEETH” finally Named!

                                        By Ric Polansky ©

 

It’s the scientific law. If you were an amateur astronomer and discovered a new star or comet, you can legally name it after yourself.  Likewise, the same can be done in the medical world for the identification of a new strain of virus or insect unveiled.

  

 Oddly enough, the most famous “fly” of heralded Spanish repute goes by the common vernacular “flying teeth” or “no see ums”. Not at all a proper or worthy nomenclature for the WHALLOP but they pack once they’ve gnawed upon you during the night. Visitors to Spain have been complaining of this “bicho” for centuries and not a travel book has been written that doesn’t mention their historical presence.

 

If you’ve been away and return to your Spanish home, you too will soon discover nauseous pests lurking. Their pleasure will be your pain. Even if you’ve gone away for as little as 10 days, they seem to propagate and become insatiably hungry. To save yourself and loved ones when you return home, come back with  many new cans of insect spray. Go into each bedroom and fumigate under the beds, behind the curtains, in corners and crannies where the invisible enemy abounds. I have witnessed more than one person’s holiday completely ruined by these menaces whose bites often take weeks getting cured!

 

“What are they called?” asked a learned friend. I was flummoxed. “Why I honestly don’t know. We just call them “flying teeth. Everyone does except those that call em “no see ums”. Therein starts my mission of conquest and glory. Maybe I could name them? If you can name them, you can kill them, and speak ill of your enemy at the same time.

 

Petter Finne is a source of esoteric wisdom, and he also called them “flying teeth”, the same popular generic moniker. But, not to be outdone, he immediately started research on the topic and sent important bits gleaned from Wikipedia:

“The bite of midges in the genus Culicoides causes an allergic response in equines known as sweet itch. In humans, their bite can cause intensely itchy, red welts that can persist for more than a week. The discomfort arises from a localized allergic reaction to the proteins in their saliva, which can be somewhat alleviated by topical antihistamines”. As quoted from that non-bestseller by Borkent, A. and W.W. Wirth. In 1997. World species of biting midges (Diptera: Ceratopogonidae).

 

Now two things have become apparent. Scientists like to call them “midges” which to me would be like calling a small venomous snake a colorful earthworm. And, the Latin name only Christianizes the devil in them. No, these Satans from hell deserve a better, more befitting ugly name so as to traumatize  all that hear of them. An “alerting name” that puts everyone uneasy and ready for the discomforting dangers they can’t see.

 

Which brings me to another story. Years back, when I was tromping around the upper Amazon searching for gold, I spent a night in a typical poor man’s hotel. No interior doors kept you private nor were there windows of any type other than the glass kind that you could close if it was raining (which it did frequently in Ecuador). At night they had to be kept open for ventilation in the dense tropical heat and humidity.

  

While reading late into the night about information concerning the indigenous peoples around me and how to greet them (lay down your weapons and show them your empty hands), a kind visitor popped his head around the corner and warned me, “Señor, only read by candle light otherwise the “ZANCUDAS” will bite you terribly”. Now that was a name I could respect: “zancudas”. It just sounded frightening enough, something vicious enough to do you damage, enough to injure your entire expedition.  So with that I shut off the miner’s flashlite on the bill of my cap.

 

After all, who wants fame from misfortune. A bug called “Rickey’s Weekend Wreckers” isn’t as formidable as ZANCUDAS, in anybody´s language. So “ZANCUDAS” it shall be. Once I get this story circulated enough and pass the word around—“Flying teeth” have been renamed, done, dusted, sanctioned and reclassified. Gendre: Zancuda; sub species; nightis shark bite-is.