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Humour Last Updated: Jul 15th, 2011 - 06:42:13

The "Immigrant Fly" Rules
By Ric Polansky
Jul 15, 2011, 06:31

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THE “immigrant FLY” RULES!
By Ric Polansky ©

Let’s not talk about the heat. We know it’s hot, hotter than ever, humidity higher than ever and the local flies are getting up my nose. Yours too I am told. Pesky creatures, but not as mean as they were forty years ago. Now, those were flies! Proper Spanish flies of renown fame and unsurpassed as pests! Why back then if there was so much as a crumb on the dinner table you’d get into a mano y mano over it with the fly. He would fight you tooth and nail, to the death for that one morsel of food.

Now, you have to have the history behind you to understand the dilemma. These new vermin don’t even hold a black belt compared with those flies of by-gone years. This new type doesn’t stand a chance against the modern weapons: air conditioners, fans and spray! Yet, the torment continues. The (what’s its) are in every bar, restaurant, office, home and even bedrooms. They attack the food when you’re eating, hop on and take a free ride on the fork as it rises to your mouth. No respect is given to anyone day or night. They are so plentiful, powerful, and annoying. Dare I suggest that it’s a right proper invasion. More than that. Allow me to illuminate the dire situation.

These be immigrant flies. They have all got chased out of Egypt, Syria and Morocco and have been forced to come here. Those circumstances have left them all in a bad mood, edgy and nervous. What with all that fightin´ and shootin´ in their streets, and the noise and waving those flags day and night the entire equilibrium of their comfortable days has been disrupted. So, a “fly forum for freedom was formed and founded.” They all democratically voted to come here. (Democracy isn’t always such a good thing—at times). It was decided that under the current revolutionary upheaval the situation was intolerable and they would all have to whiz off for a quieter place with true beer bottles to swizzle about inside and empty wine bottles for the more up market. What they have found here is paradise; they are not as delirious as you think—just celebrating. Worse yet, the local buzz has it that they just might not want to return to their meager existence of donkey dung and the occasional dead pigeon.

If you can catch the nightly TV news clips about their previous abodes; their past habitations were dry, dusty, dirty but not one incidence of garbage. Spain over flows with it. Waste and rubble are everywhere in Spain, like a mysterious web that entwines the country bounded together. Clean it up, and the entire place would fall apart like many drifting rafts floating out to sea and within one day the entirety of Spain would disappear. Float away.

Can you blame the flies for migrating here? Especially for a quieter life. If you watch those uprisings you will NEVER see armed rebels shooting at government troops! The insurrectionist spend their entire day shooting into the air, trying to kill those damn flies. In short, those dastardly flies have been driven here in the name of “freedom”. What was the Arab spring time has become our aggrieved summer!

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